Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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