I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
