He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
