You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We're too hungover to prance.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
