I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
