He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
