P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
