I hope mine doesn't look like that
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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