Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
