How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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