He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
