You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
