i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
