Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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