SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
