Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
