Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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