somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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