Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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