Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
