if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
