i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
