You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
