FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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