I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
