ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
