That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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