Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How's work?
Spinning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
