I puked a lego.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
