I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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