Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
