You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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