Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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