I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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