Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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