you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
