Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
