It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
