You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
