dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
