in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
