smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
