dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
