he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can you bring me the toilet please
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
