Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Found your dick twin last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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