do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i will never coherently bang her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
