Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
