Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
