my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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