I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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